 |
 
| The Basics of
Behavior Analysis
|
| Parents
|
| Love & Sexuality
|
| Employees & Bosses
|
| OneScience
|
|
 |
 |
10 Mistakes Every Parent Makes
That Can Destroy Your Relationship
If you're a parent, chances are you've made most of these mistakes. In
fact, you've probably made all of them. And you are probably still making
them.
Mistake 8: Taking Things Away
Taking things away means just what it says. It
means taking things away from your child as a
response to undesirable behavior. The things
parents take from their kids can include toys,
privileges, fun activities and just about anything
the child values.
Why it's bad: Parents cause two
major problems when they take
things away from their kids as a
punishment for undesirable behavior.
One, they forfeit valuable
opportunities to teach their kids to
be responsible for themselves and
their own behavior.
Two, by focusing solely on the
negative aspects of their child's
performance, they
become the mean,
ugly ogre whose
only purpose is to
make their kids'
lives miserable. Or
at least that's how
their kids feel
about them.
The Report Card: Take 1
Ivan is about to turn sixteen. He has
been driving with his learner's permit as
much as he can to get ready to take his
driving test in a few months. But he is
about to run into a snag. He just brought
home a few bad grades on his report card.
"Ivan, what have you been doing this
semester? Why have you let your grades
slip?" Dad asks.
"I don't know."
"I need a better answer than that, young
man."
"I don't know, Dad. I do all my
homework and I try. I just don't
understand that stuff," Ivan pleads.
"Well, I guess you need a little incentive
to work harder."
"What does that mean?" Ivan asks.
"It means no more driving until your
grades improve."
"Dad, that's not fair. I have to practice
for my driving test."
"If you don't bring your grades up, you
won't be taking your driving test either.
Your grades are what's important. Not
driving." Ivan stomps off to his room. |
In Take 1, Ivan's father didn't waste
any time. He went directly to the
two low grades and demanded an
answer. Who knows if he even
notice the A and B in Ivan's other
classes. He missed a great opportunity to show Ivan whether or not he
notices his good work too.
But in Take 2, the story is much different. Ivan's dad immediately points
out the good grades. By doing that, he is showing Ivan what kind of grades
make him proud.
The Report Card: Take 2
Ivan has just brought home a few bad
grades on his report card. He shows it to
his dad.
"Hey, you got an A in English. Good job,
son. And a B in History. Not to shabby,"
Dad says.
"Thanks, Dad," Ivan smiles.
"What's going on in Algebra and
Chemistry?" Dad asks. "You got Ds in
those."
"I don't know. I do all my homework.
It's just hard stuff. I don't like those classes."
"Do you need some help? Do we need
to talk to your teacher about a tutor?"
"No. Jeff knows it pretty well. I can get
him to help me."
"Ok. Well, I want to help too. I know a
way I can give you some extra incentive to
work hard."
"What's that?" Ivan asks.
"We'll ask your teacher to send home a
grade report every week. Then, every
week that you have at least a C on all your
homework and quizzes, you earn the
privilege of driving for the following week
whenever we go somewhere in the car. Do
you think that will that help?"
"Yeah, that sounds cool, Dad."
"Ok. It's up to you then whether or not
you get to drive."
"Ok, Dad. But you might not get to drive
your own car anymore."
"That's fine with me as long as you keep
your grades up." |
Then he thought of a way for Ivan to earn driving privileges by doing well
in school. He explained clearly what Ivan needed to do: earn at least a C
on all homework and quizzes. He also figured a way for Ivan to earn the
privilege, lose it and earn it again all
in just a couple weeks, which means
Ivan can fail once in a while without
getting too discouraged. In Take 1,
Ivan has no idea how long he must
wait before he can drive again. If
it's too long, he's likely to give up
altogether.
Also, when people must work to
escape negative consequences, they
will do only as much as is necessary
to escape the negative
consequences. In Take 1, as Ivan
works to bring his grades up, he will
only do as much as he needs to in
order to get his driving privileges
back.
Positive consequences, though,
result in a different kind of
performance. People earning
positive consequences often perform
to a level higher than what is
expected.
In Take 2, Ivan knows he can earn
more than just driving privileges. He
knows he can also make his father
proud by making good grades. He
will earn Cs to maintain his driving
privileges. But he will earn As and Bs
to make his dad smile and say "Good
job, son."
|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
|
 |
Everyday actions explained for parents, with common pitfalls & solutions. |
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
