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| The Basics of
Behavior Analysis
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| Parents
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| Love & Sexuality
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| Employees & Bosses
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| OneScience
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10 Mistakes Every Parent Makes
That Can Destroy Your Relationship
If you're a parent, chances are you've made most of these mistakes. In
fact, you've probably made all of them. And you are probably still making
them.
Mistake 7: Sarcasm
Sarcasm is making fun of the child. It can be fun
once in a while for family members to throw
good-natured jabs at each other, but this kind of
sarcasm is meant to call attention to the child's
failings and shortcomings under the pretenses of
"joking around."
Why it's bad: Like criticism,
sarcasm tampers with a child's
assessment of him or herself. "If
Mom says I'm bad, I must be bad."
Sarcasm is more subtle, though,
because parents think they are just
playing around.
But if you listen to yourself making a
sarcastic comment about your child,
you might find that the comment
you're making regards something
that is a matter of frustration for you
and the child. Be
honest. Are you
taking a little of
that frustration
out on your child
with your biting
remark?
In the example The Math Problem:
Take 1, Mom is defending her younger son against Carter's rude comment.
But the irony is that she defended against a rude comment with a rude
comment of her own. Her comment didn't do anything to bring Stephen up.
It just shot Carter down. Now she has two embarrassed children.
The Math Problem: Take 1
Carter is fifteen. He comes home after
school with some friends one day. As he
walks in the kitchen door he sees his
mother trying to help his little brother,
Stephen, with some math homework.
Stephen and Mom are both confused.
"What's going on guys?" Carter asks.
"Stephen's having trouble with this math
problem," Mom answers.
"What is it? Let me see," Carter says and
looks at Stephen's paper. "Oh man, that's
easy," he says. "Just add those two
numbers together first and then multiply.
What a stupid kid."
Mom looks up at Carter. "Oh yeah, and
you never have trouble with your
homework. Right, big shot? Like
yesterday, when you were almost crying
over your science project?"
Carter turns a little red and quickly asks
his friends if they want to go to his room to
play video games. |
In Take 2, though, Mom handles it like a pro. She gently reminded Carter
that he struggles too, but she did it in a way that invoked sympathy from
him for his littler brother. She
praised his effort, rather than
criticizing his difficulty with last
night's homework. She handled it so
well, in fact, that she also got him
to care about his little brother
enough to help him with his
homework when he could have been
playing with his friends.
The Math Problem: Take 2
Carter comes home after school with
some friends and finds his mother trying to
help Stephen with some math homework.
Stephen and Mom are both confused.
"What's going on guys?" Carter asks.
"Stephen's having trouble with this math
problem," Mom answers.
"What is it? Let me see," Carter says and
looks at Stephen's paper. "Oh man, that's
easy," he says. "Just add those two
numbers together first and then multiply.
What a stupid kid."
Mom looks up at Carter. "Thanks for
your help, Carter, but let's try to be more
supportive. Stephen's trying really hard to
understand this. Just like you were working
so hard on your science project last night.
I'm proud of both my boys for working so
hard."
"Yeah, you're right, Mom. Good job,
Stephen."
"Thank you, Carter. Do you think you
could show Stephen how you did that
problem?" Mom asks.
"Sure, Mom. Guys," he turns to his
friends, "You can go play video games in
my room. I'll be there in a minute." |
Kids don't have to be taught to be
rude. They can usually figure that
out all by themselves. They do,
however, need to be taught to be
caring and supportive. This is not
easy to do, but it can be done.
As is demonstrated here, parents will
see their kids engage in the kind of
behavior that is modeled for them.
If you're sarcastic to your kids, you
will have sarcastic kids. But if you're
positive and supportive of your kids,
you can teach them to be positive
and supportive as well.
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Everyday actions explained for parents, with common pitfalls & solutions. |
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