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| The Basics of
Behavior Analysis
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| Parents
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| Love & Sexuality
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| Employees & Bosses
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| OneScience
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The Best Kind of Attention
What It Means to Listen
Third Scenario
Your five-year-old loves her new kindergarten class, but
after three weeks of school, she starts complaining that she doesn't want
to go to school anymore. Lately in the morning when she is supposed to be
getting dressed she says she hates school and doesn't want to go.
Parent #1
PARENT: (whining) C'mon, honey.
Would you hurry up?
KID: (whining) No. I don't want to
go to school today. I hate school.
PARENT: Oh, baloney. You love
school.
KID: No, I don't.
PARENT: Well that's not what
you've been saying for the last
three weeks.
KID: (plops down on the floor) I
don't care. I'm not going.
PARENT: Oh, yes you are, young
lady. Get up and get dressed right
now. I guess you're just gonna have
to not like school, but you're
going. I said get up!
KID: (slowly gets up)
PARENT: And when you're done
getting dressed you need to get
your teeth brushed.
KID: (sighs)
PARENT: (grabs kid and pushes her
toward her dresser)
KID: Stop!
PARENT: Well, hurry up and I won't
have to help you along. I'm going
downstairs. You better be dressed
by the time I get back.
KID: (sticks her tongue out at Mom
when she turns her back) |
Parent #2
PARENT: Hey, slowpoke. You're
breakfast is waiting. What's taking
so long?
KID: I don't want to go to school.
PARENT: Oh? How come?
KID: I just don't like it.
PARENT: Wow. That surprises me.
You've been enjoying it until now.
What changed your mind?
KID: I don't know. I just don't like
it.
PARENT: What don't you like about
it?
KID: (thinks for a moment) There's
just so much to do. I have to work
while everyone else is having fun.
PARENT: Whose having fun while
you're working?
KID: You and Dad.
PARENT: You mean here at home?
KID: Yeah.
PARENT: Oh, I think I understand.
Are you sad because you have to
be up here getting dressed while
Dad and I are downstairs together?
KID: Uh huh.
PARENT: Well, why don't you grab
your clothes and bring them
downstairs to put them on. Will
that work?
KID: (smiles) Yeah. Thanks, Mom. |
Which parent would you rather have? Parent 1 didn't take the time to listen
so she didn't find out what the real problem was. Parent 1 merely started
an argument with her daughter that will likely set her up to have a bad day
at school. She also pushed her and threatened trouble if she didn't get
dressed faster. Also, when the kid finishes the task of getting dressed she
will be rewarded with the task of brushing her teeth. Doesn't sound very
rewarding to me.
Parent 2, however, listened and figured out that her daughter wasn't really
frustrated about school. Parent 2 figured out that her daughter was having
difficulty adjusting to her new set of morning tasks. Because she listened,
Parent 2 was able to come up with a very simple solution. Parent 2 is also
wise enough to arrange the morning events so that something truly
rewarding (breakfast) occurs after her daughter completes the task of
getting dressed.
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Everyday actions explained for parents, with common pitfalls & solutions. |
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